After attending the farewell Mass, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened, what was happening, and what the future might hold for the two children involved. In my view, they are victims of a broken marriage and their parents’ failure to fulfill their responsibilities in raising them.
The causes of the family’s collapse and the resulting impact on the children can largely be traced back to their parents. The story began like a fairy tale. He visited Vietnam and, during an outing with friends, met a young woman who stole his heart. A year later, he returned to marry her and brought her to the United States. For a time, they lived happily together. They had two children—a girl and a boy—both of whom grew up smart, doing well in school. To outsiders, they seemed like the perfect, happy family.
But then the wife started working, and things began to unravel. At her workplace, she started showing troubling signs: neglecting her husband and children, staying out late, and putting family on the back burner. The couple fought often. He began to suspect her of being unfaithful but chose to endure, forgive, and try to rebuild their relationship. Unfortunately, things spiraled out of control. She filed for divorce on her own, and their family’s downfall began.
Despite his efforts and patience, he eventually remarried, while she remained single, moving from one relationship to another. At 54, she passed away from cancer, leaving their two children adrift, confused, and facing an uncertain future. Neither child had finished school or established a career. While living with their mother, they fell into bad company—romantic entanglements, drug use, dropping out of school—and even required psychological and psychiatric treatment. The situation was further complicated when, before the divorce was finalized, the father expressed his desire to take the children in and care for them. However, they refused, insisting on staying with their mother for the sake of “freedom.”
Now, after their parents’ divorce, their father’s remarriage, and their mother’s death, the question looms: What does the future hold for these two children? Who is responsible? Their mother’s side of the family? Their father? Or the children themselves? The answer isn’t simple. It requires a nuanced understanding of the situation. One thing is clear: the parents’ divorce, the mother’s irresponsibility, the father’s current circumstances, and the children’s defiant, immature attitudes will all play a role in shaping their futures.
In a recent email exchange, a nun overseeing a media program in Vietnam wrote: “Young people today act so strangely. They approach marriage without respect, responsibility, or commitment. The moment there’s conflict, they head straight to divorce court!” Her observation underscores a troubling trend: many young people today lack an understanding of the value and necessity of marriage and family. And when they have children, they fail to take their responsibility as parents seriously. They don’t realize how profoundly their actions impact their children’s futures. Their lack of commitment and fidelity—key foundations of a happy family—often leaves lasting scars.
Unfortunately, this pattern is becoming increasingly common. Parents, consumed by selfish pursuits, prioritize their own satisfaction over their family’s well-being. Fathers may turn to gambling, drinking, affairs, or substance abuse. Mothers may focus excessively on appearances, neglecting their roles as wives and mothers. Beyond the duties that sustain marriage and family, educating children is one of the most important—and challenging—responsibilities parents face.
In today’s world, filled with smartphones, social media, and artificial intelligence, many parents are unaware of how quickly their children are being influenced by atheistic, materialistic, and existential philosophies. Schools expose them to controversial topics like sexuality, abortion, sterilization, gender identity, and same-sex marriage. Society entices them with harmful influences: drugs, alcohol, unhealthy relationships, and even criminal activities like drug trafficking and prostitution. When these external pressures combine with a broken home environment, the future of these children becomes bleak.
A significant misconception about love, marriage, and family is widespread among today’s youth. Many lack a clear understanding of true, committed love. Some don’t believe in love at all, seeing it as nothing more than a transactional exchange or a way to fulfill selfish desires. Their mindset often boils down to: “Stay if it works, leave if it doesn’t,” treating each other like casual acquaintances rather than life partners.
But reality is far different. Couples who have sought my guidance and support during separations rarely maintain friendly relationships afterward. Most see each other as enemies. Worse, they often use their children as tools to hurt one another, driving wedges between the children and their parents. This bitter reality is something many couples fail to grasp until it’s too late.
The story of the couple mentioned earlier is just one of countless examples of families facing similar struggles today. Their children’s challenges force us to reflect deeply on marriage, family life, and the responsibilities of being a parent, husband, or wife. In this specific case, while the children’s choices may lead to outcomes they didn’t anticipate, it wouldn’t be fair to place all the blame on their parents. Ultimately, the children must also take responsibility for the paths they choose in life.
-Trần Mỹ Duyệt, PhD in Psychology-